Stress and Nervousness

Recently, I was eating dinner with some friends in uptown NYC and one of them made a comment that some people have nervous tics. I didn't think much of it at the time, but after that comment, I started observing my professors to see if they had some habitual action that displayed their nervousness.

As I observed, I began to see that people do exhibit signs that they aren't great public speakers or didn't feel as comfortable in front of a room full of people as they seemed. Some were obvious, such as my calculus professor who stuttered, hemmed and hawed when given an answer that wasn't what they wanted. Less obvious signs were the flushed neck of one engineering professor that gave no other indication that they felt any discomfort while discussing the proper way to implement a co-processor stack.

Once I started noticing these things, I couldn't help but observe some of my coworkers as well. One co-worker, who was asked why they did something a certain way, immediately ended eye contact with the questioner as they answered the question. Another would always make a joke of the issue they were having before they would supply an answer.

Since I was watching everyone else, I decided that I couldn't very well leave myself out of this. So, I turned my observation upon myself. I can certainly say that I wasn't as happy with what I saw as I would have expected.

During my self observation, I have noticed that when put in an uncomfortable situation, I would break out in a sweat. Regardless of whether or not I knew how to solve the issue. I know that I can't lie convincingly because I exhibit most of the telltale signs. I despise public speaking, because I suffer from the flushed neck and start to stutter to the point of looking stupid. Oddly enough, when I know what I am talking about, I have no problem standing in front of a group of people. (It also helps greatly when I take off my glasses so that my myopic sight makes everything look like a blurry wall of color.)

I also saw that as I become more and more stressed out, I am extremely impatient*, almost beligerent, because I feel that the person I am dealing with is holding me up from completing what I need to do. I realize that with the work load I am under, there isn't any way to avoid such stress.

In the past, I have channeled this aggression into sports such as paintball or some other competitive sport. Now, I can't afford to play paintball as often as I would need to because of both the cost of playing and the lack of time to play. I know that I am starting to marginalize friends because I can't get rid of the stress fast enough to avoid being impatient with them. What's more, I know that this realization that I am losing friends multiplies those stress levels.

However, I've devised a plan! As costly as it is to me, I have to stop letting my workload carry me into that stress zone. So, as of today, I stopped working for the next three days. Three consecutive days where I won't be working until the late hours of the night only to wake up the next morning to repeat this. Unlike past posts where I've discovered that I had unplanned free time, I know I have free time. And I know just what I'll do. I plan to use that time just for me, not anyone else.

No fixing things, no working on someone's project, no wedding pictures to tweak. Perhaps, I'll break out the camera and find something interesting to photograph. Maybe I'll go take a hike through some of the local trails. Or better yet, I'll do both!

* I should show the counterpoint to this. When I am not stressed out, I have a lot of patience. I have tutored people who couldn't believe that I get so impatient.

The weather made me do it...

I'm not in class today, and I fully intend to lay blame on the weather. Here in New York, we received about three inches of snow followed by freezing rain. That freezing rain continues to fall and solidify on the ground and roads.

When I walked out onto three inches of ice capped snow, that nearly convinced me to stay home instead of going to class. I spent the next twenty minutes in freezing rain chipping half inch thick ice off my windows and doors, which almost convinced me. As I opened my car door to start the engine, I heard the sirens of a firetruck and an ambulance, and that convinced me to stay home.

So, I'm home today, looking like I just dunked my head in a bucket of water and I seriously doubt that I will venture into work today either. I have more of this alien feeling free time again. What to do?

Good thing I don't have any reservations tonight. *innocent*

Good bye Blogger

No, I'm not quitting this blog. Nor am I dignifying this manufactured celebration that happens today with more than a sentence. Merely, I am waving goodbye to the blogger that I started on almost a year and a half ago.

It seems that after today, I will be forced to switch over to Google's version of Blogger. As those who read my blog avidly know, there are somethings about Google that don't appeal to me. And despite my desire to remain on the old server, I won't have a choice the next time I log on.

I worry that I will lose all my older posts, as well as the unpublished drafts that I never got around to completing to my satisfaction. One feature I always wanted but never saw enacted happens to be a backup feature. So, before I log out today, I need to copy and paste all those unfinished thoughts into a document before I bid that last adieu.

On a side note, it's so cold out that I've begun using my notebook for what it really is, a lap warmer.