The zone of memory

I've done something tremendously and utterly stupid tonight.  I spent much of my evening in that inebriated zone betwixt happy and sad.  Which is not that stupid at all.  No, the stupid part came when I decided I was in the mood for some music and loaded up a playlist consisting of just about every sappy love song I own.

Only forty minutes into the playlist and I'm already maudlin and wondering if I made the right decision to be single right now.  Not too terrible yet?  Well, then I got to thinking if I could remember what it was like to touch and hold someone intimately and that's when I realized I'd done something utterly stupid.

I went to that place where nothing good can come of being there.  I entered the zone of The Way It Used To Be.  I started trying to remember things that were better off forgotten.  I looked into past memories and thought of people whose lives no longer intersect with mine.

My mind went over all the details, both pleasant and unpleasant, that were a part of those various divergences in my life. The causes of those divergences whose faults seemingly were always laid at my feet even when I was innocent.  And then I remembered the pain that accompanied those departures from the path of my life.

Now I'm just one soggy and lumpy mess and to make matters worse, I'm out of alcohol.  If I had planned to do something so stupid, I would have stocked more alcohol at least.  Then I'd be able to drink myself into oblivion before I got to this point.  Instead, I'll be sobering up with some unpleasant memories.