Stress and Nervousness

Recently, I was eating dinner with some friends in uptown NYC and one of them made a comment that some people have nervous tics. I didn't think much of it at the time, but after that comment, I started observing my professors to see if they had some habitual action that displayed their nervousness.

As I observed, I began to see that people do exhibit signs that they aren't great public speakers or didn't feel as comfortable in front of a room full of people as they seemed. Some were obvious, such as my calculus professor who stuttered, hemmed and hawed when given an answer that wasn't what they wanted. Less obvious signs were the flushed neck of one engineering professor that gave no other indication that they felt any discomfort while discussing the proper way to implement a co-processor stack.

Once I started noticing these things, I couldn't help but observe some of my coworkers as well. One co-worker, who was asked why they did something a certain way, immediately ended eye contact with the questioner as they answered the question. Another would always make a joke of the issue they were having before they would supply an answer.

Since I was watching everyone else, I decided that I couldn't very well leave myself out of this. So, I turned my observation upon myself. I can certainly say that I wasn't as happy with what I saw as I would have expected.

During my self observation, I have noticed that when put in an uncomfortable situation, I would break out in a sweat. Regardless of whether or not I knew how to solve the issue. I know that I can't lie convincingly because I exhibit most of the telltale signs. I despise public speaking, because I suffer from the flushed neck and start to stutter to the point of looking stupid. Oddly enough, when I know what I am talking about, I have no problem standing in front of a group of people. (It also helps greatly when I take off my glasses so that my myopic sight makes everything look like a blurry wall of color.)

I also saw that as I become more and more stressed out, I am extremely impatient*, almost beligerent, because I feel that the person I am dealing with is holding me up from completing what I need to do. I realize that with the work load I am under, there isn't any way to avoid such stress.

In the past, I have channeled this aggression into sports such as paintball or some other competitive sport. Now, I can't afford to play paintball as often as I would need to because of both the cost of playing and the lack of time to play. I know that I am starting to marginalize friends because I can't get rid of the stress fast enough to avoid being impatient with them. What's more, I know that this realization that I am losing friends multiplies those stress levels.

However, I've devised a plan! As costly as it is to me, I have to stop letting my workload carry me into that stress zone. So, as of today, I stopped working for the next three days. Three consecutive days where I won't be working until the late hours of the night only to wake up the next morning to repeat this. Unlike past posts where I've discovered that I had unplanned free time, I know I have free time. And I know just what I'll do. I plan to use that time just for me, not anyone else.

No fixing things, no working on someone's project, no wedding pictures to tweak. Perhaps, I'll break out the camera and find something interesting to photograph. Maybe I'll go take a hike through some of the local trails. Or better yet, I'll do both!

* I should show the counterpoint to this. When I am not stressed out, I have a lot of patience. I have tutored people who couldn't believe that I get so impatient.