To find amusment in the absurd

Today is the last day I will work prior to Christmas day, now all I have to do is complete my gift card shopping and perhaps wrap them in some interesting shaped packages to confound their receipients. Finals are over and I won't know until after Christmas whether or not my hard work bears fruit or whether I will have to retake a class or two.

For the first time since I embarked upon this journey towards my engineering degree, I am indifferent to the grades I will get for the semester. It may simply be the exhaustion in me speaking, but I can't deny that as these final weeks wound to an end that I have had second thoughts about whether or not this course I have set for myself is the wisest course. I have discovered that if I were working full time, I could be earning as much if not more than I made during my miserable years at the last job.

I've been trying to relax and for many reasons, I am still extremely tense. (What I wouldn't give for a nice back rub right now!) As I mentioned in the past post, I find myself on rocky ground with someone that I care for and doubtlessly, this situation contributes to my tension. As for MK, I have learned that she finds someone else much more desirable than I, so I am again without prospects in the department of love. In addition to all of that, while school is now over, there is the immense stress of getting all that school work done before finals and working those unhealthy hours to pay the bills at the same time. (I will be getting three days off before I start working again.)

I don't know where the humor is in this, but as I type these words in, I am smiling at the fact that after I am done with my shopping, I will have nothing but a few dollars in my bank account. I will indeed be a broke college boy. I can easily understand how such amusement can be the product of seeing something so absurd that you can only deal with this absurdity by either crying or laughing at it all. The only consolation for me is that I am not a broke and homeless college boy.

Somehow and some way, I need to gather myself together and find that holiday cheer before I join my relatives for the usual seasonal festivities. Perhaps I will find that cheer when I see my second cousins during these next two days. I can forget about adult things as I play with them in their innocent games where I can see their carefree and unadulterated smiles of happiness. I could use a bit of escapism before this calendar year ends.

Despite my own personal unhappiness, I hope that each and every one of you who read my posts find that these last days before the new year begins are happy and memory filled days that keep you warm and content on those days when all seems like it can only go wrong. That's what I plan to do.