Self-centered People and Conversation Stoppers

As a shy person, I take notice of other people's conversations for the simple reason that I am curious to see what most people talk about. As a master of abrupt conversation and awkward silences, I feel that I need to listen to others to see what I can improve on.

Funny as it may seem, most conversations are centered around the person who is talking. Though, I would tend to think that a self-centered conversation isn't really much of a conversation. I don't mean that saying what one thinks is bad, just that most of what I hear is what that person did or experienced, not what they think. I, certainly, am most guilty of that when I post about my experiences. Then again, perhaps, it is a reason why I don't often post as much as I used to?

What I think is so private and sharing such thought is to ask you, an outsider, to enter my into world. Yet, I do that quite often when I post. This post is an excellent example. I defend myself, along with my self-centered written expression, with the simple reasoning that without those stories, you don't get the fullest picture of my situation. Seeing the anguish, the joy, and the confusion only explains why I don't interact well with others and explains my mindset when I do write about what I think.

How many people on this earth are truly comfortable with the dispassionate attention of an outsider watching their every move and considering these actions, their motives, all under the biases of the observer's experience or convictions? I am not, and considering the amount of effort we concern ourselves with what others think of our actions, most aren't either.

Which brings me back to what I started writing about. Other people's conversations. I was listening to two people talk today, and one person was constantly speaking in absolutes. Always insisting that what they thought was right and that their observations were best. I like to call this person a conversation stopper.

I can be guilty of this, though I usually try to back up my assertions with facts. However, even then, in a face to face conversation, this leaves no room for further discussion. A situation I have faced often enough to recognize them. Then, it becomes a lurch from topic to topic trying to find some way to continue conversing.

The conversation I was listening to was about cameras. Hey, a topic I profess to know something about! The conversation was a discussion between two major brands, Nikon and Canon. They were discussing an obscure technical aspect of these two brands. In this case, shutter mechanisms. A brief summary, Canon uses a motor mechanism and Nikon uses a spring mechanism. I won't go into any more specific details about that.

So, one person was asking about these two brands and wanted to know what the difference was. The conversation stopper, or CS for short, launched into a detailed explanation of both and finished his explanation (with a superior sounding attitude) that the Nikon's design was the better of the two. Thus, ending the conversation.

I was almost tempted to point out to CS that neither was really better, but a difference in design policy. Eventually, the spring wears out, and the motor might stop working. Both designs could fail before their intended useful life cycle ended. (See? I'm doing it again!) Personally, I don't really care which design they use, so long as the thing works as advertised for as long as they promised. Of course, that would have given away that I was eavesdropping in on their conversation.

More to the point, CS's conversational partner was now left to pick a new subject to talk about, since there were only two options left for the old topic. First was to agree and end the conversation. The latter option would be to disagree and get into an argument with CS, the very person they had asked for an explanation.

After writing about these two types of people, I understand why I don't desire to do any type of small talk, because either you are the small person talking about yourself or end up being talked down to. I sincerely hope that there is some reason to communicate or I might as well move to a remote location on this earth.

Roughing it.

This past weekend, I spent overnight at a camp. Yep, when I was told that this was where I'd be working for the weekend, I was skeptical. Just the kids, adults, and the staff. No wireless, no cel phone access, nor television.

As a kid, I grew up in Brooklyn and had never spent a night away at camp. Now as an adult, I had to spend a weekend doing something that I wasn't keen on doing. Roughing it. The family had decided to take a different tilt on the mitzvah theme by holding one three hours away from where they lived. Where the tallest buildings were grain silos.

I was going there to help out a friend who was hired to video tape the festivities and activities. When he told me where we were going, I had a picture of a flat meadow with small camp fires where everyone set up their own tent. Fortunately for me, I would be sleeping in a real bed above the mess hall. However, when I arrived and walked into one of the bungalows, I saw that they had bunk beds (as I expected) and full amenities including showers, toilets and hot water (which I hadn't expected).

Best of all, I was going to be driving the golf cart he would be taping from. For that reason alone, I agreed to do it. I spent the weekend zipping about in a golf cart, going up and down the side of a mountain, while he taped the kids romping about. Mountain biking, riding a zip line through the trees and splashing around the lake in canoes. Occasionally, I broke out my camera and snapped a few action shots.

And do you know what happened? I had so much fun that I was disappointed that I was going home. Imagine that, I wanted to stay and have some more fun. And, I just might.

How to a memorable night is made through foolishness.

I'm exhausted right now. I worked back to back Friday night and Saturday morning. I had all of two hours of sleep between them and my body still hasn't recovered from the loss of sleep.

I'm not really writing today because of my prodigious yawns that make my jaw ache. I just wanted to throw some thoughts on line before I forget them from working on the significant amount of photos I took yesterday. Both because they amused me, and because one young woman decided to make Friday night's job most memorable for me. I'm sure the rest of the crew and the families who were there will remember it with some amusement too.

Friday night was a small party intended to welcome guests arriving for a couple's wedding on Saturday. I wasn't there as a photographer, but to operate some intelligent lighting for my DJ company. Yes, the same one that I recently complained about. While I can't stand the company, I can't deny that I have fun at the events.

Back to the story and what made it so memorable for me. This party was for a young couple getting married, and some of the bridesmaids were still in college. For most of the evening, all of the guests acted like wallflowers, unwilling to dance. In fact, they spent much of their time either chatting at their tables or beside the buffet tables. However, the bridesmaids and their significant others happened to be perched at a table in direct line of sight to the DJ booth.

And yes, we were well aware that they were there. More so, we spent much of the night watching this one couple. This couple whom I won't describe very closely beyond saying they were attractive and very much, how shall I say it delicately, in touch with each other. He spent much of the night trying to sneak his hand up her light blue dress while she tried to vigilantly watch us to make sure we couldn't see what she was wearing under the dress.

I would look in the other direction and as soon as I turned their way, she would hop up off his lap while he tried to keep his hand in contact with her inner leg. As the night wore on, she became less vigilant, and we eventually saw what she was wearing as she had more drinks in her system. Let's just say that they were white.

I admit that I would have been content to have seen that much and call it a good night. Except, near the end of the party, the couple disappeared for a while. When the party started to wind down, family members were lining up on the dance floor for pictures, and the young woman came back to take pictures.

This young lady, which I suppose I am loosely defining here, tried taking a picture. She decided that she wanted a different perspective and squatted down to get an angle from below. It was at this time the DJ nudged me to look. I realized that she wasn't wearing white underneath anymore. Not only was she no longer wearing underwear, she was quite flushed. And I'm not talking about her face.

Without a doubt, the people she was taking a picture had the best, direct view of her most personal body parts. After she left, I listened to the family talk as we packed away the lights. They were well aware of it and had a few laughs. I am sorry to say I don't know how the wedding went (nor her reaction upon learning what everyone had seen) on the next day, as I went on to another job.

Betrayed by my employer.

I wonder if life is supposed to be this turbulent. I wonder if I am in the midst of my own "It's A Wonderful Life" re-run. I keep wondering if I'll ever be able to feel what it's like to live a life where the greatest crisis would be deciding the color my new rug should be.

Well, I might as well add to the litany of woes to befall me. The DJ company I have been working for had been holding my last two pay checks without explaining why they had done so. Three times I have stopped by asking for my pay and have been told that they were not ready. Twice I demanded to meet with the owner to resolve the matter after learning this and twice he has snuck out the back door to avoid the meeting. I finally met with them today after threatening to consider my legal options in regards to gaining a resolution.

And they wrote me out a check for two thirds of the amount they owed me. When I declined the amount, they refused to give me anymore. Their excuse was that they would not make money if they paid me what they actually owed me. Their reasoning is that my rate, which they agreed to several months past, was too high. They told me that they wouldn't be able to offer me any more jobs if I didn't lower them.

When I walked out of the meeting three hours later, I had lost a day's pay and I had to drop my rates under duress. Just at a time when my expenses were at its highest. I have my car insurance and registration due, on top of my usual monthly expenses. For three years, I have worked hard for this company and I have been one of their most reliable and capable employees. I can't tell you how angry I am or how betrayed I feel.

I want to punch a hole in the wall. I want to cause someone bodily harm. I would end up in jail or hurt and I still wouldn't have enough to pay the bills. How frustrating being unable to do anything that would relieve my anger galls me!

The worst of it is that I can't walk away because I don't have another source of income. Well, that will no longer be the case henceforth. I fully intend to diversify my income so that I don't find myself in such a situation ever again. When I find my footing again, I'll be brushing the dust of this DJ company off my shoulders. And it won't be a moment too soon.