This year in review...

It's that time of year again, where we all look back at the year in general and take stock of what has happened. Perhaps make promises to improve or be better in the upcoming one. Many of which one never follows through on. Yet, that is the way of things, isn't it?

I looked at my last review, and it does seem that I did indeed keep my resolution.... to be stuck in repeat mode, only now I work fifty hours a week instead of ogling. This year, I suspect will be a year of choices. Do I continue to overwork myself to keep up with the bills? Do I stick with school or chase after that green paper that everyone claims will make them happier? Do I forsake women and any attempts at relationship this year? I, for one, plan not to repeat another year of the misery that I endured in the last third of the year.

Who knows, I may have to choose between the jobs I am working at so that I can focus more on my flagging studies. (Assuming I choose to stick with schooling, of course) I may also decide that women are indeed the progenitors of all distraction and go on a vow of celibacy. (Ok, maybe not.) I know that I am definitely working towards a new camera regardless of what happens.

In fact, I decided to take advantage of this early spring like weather and use my camera to brush up on some of its more esoteric capabilities that I don't get to use during parties. I took pictures of plant life, some hidden grottoes in a botantical garden, and some koi in a half frozen pool that I happened upon in that garden. I'll post something in the new year.

Well, I'm off to the annual get together where I again attempt to make espresso and drown it in some steamed milk. *grin* I did wish everyone a happy and exciting new year, so how did everyone else fare?

To find amusment in the absurd

Today is the last day I will work prior to Christmas day, now all I have to do is complete my gift card shopping and perhaps wrap them in some interesting shaped packages to confound their receipients. Finals are over and I won't know until after Christmas whether or not my hard work bears fruit or whether I will have to retake a class or two.

For the first time since I embarked upon this journey towards my engineering degree, I am indifferent to the grades I will get for the semester. It may simply be the exhaustion in me speaking, but I can't deny that as these final weeks wound to an end that I have had second thoughts about whether or not this course I have set for myself is the wisest course. I have discovered that if I were working full time, I could be earning as much if not more than I made during my miserable years at the last job.

I've been trying to relax and for many reasons, I am still extremely tense. (What I wouldn't give for a nice back rub right now!) As I mentioned in the past post, I find myself on rocky ground with someone that I care for and doubtlessly, this situation contributes to my tension. As for MK, I have learned that she finds someone else much more desirable than I, so I am again without prospects in the department of love. In addition to all of that, while school is now over, there is the immense stress of getting all that school work done before finals and working those unhealthy hours to pay the bills at the same time. (I will be getting three days off before I start working again.)

I don't know where the humor is in this, but as I type these words in, I am smiling at the fact that after I am done with my shopping, I will have nothing but a few dollars in my bank account. I will indeed be a broke college boy. I can easily understand how such amusement can be the product of seeing something so absurd that you can only deal with this absurdity by either crying or laughing at it all. The only consolation for me is that I am not a broke and homeless college boy.

Somehow and some way, I need to gather myself together and find that holiday cheer before I join my relatives for the usual seasonal festivities. Perhaps I will find that cheer when I see my second cousins during these next two days. I can forget about adult things as I play with them in their innocent games where I can see their carefree and unadulterated smiles of happiness. I could use a bit of escapism before this calendar year ends.

Despite my own personal unhappiness, I hope that each and every one of you who read my posts find that these last days before the new year begins are happy and memory filled days that keep you warm and content on those days when all seems like it can only go wrong. That's what I plan to do.

The path to....

The path to hell is paved with good intentions. It's a proverb that I have often noted in my life. I wanted to do the right thing, and somehow, things just kept getting worse.

I have mentioned in the past that friends, especially close friends, hold the keys to your heart. Whether they mean to or not, some careless comment can get past that fortress that one has built around one's heart to inure oneself from the senseless indifference and petty meanness that our society inevitably engenders. In spite of those closely guarded gates, we make small opennings into those walls to let a few, carefully selected friends in.

It is through one of these opennings that causes me pain and grief now. I wish I could describe the increasing animosity that engineering girl has displayed to me in these past two months. I haven't made any mention of what I think of her poor choice in the form of this guy she has gotten close to. I've been trying to be a good friend and supporting her in her supposed happiness.

I won't deny that I've made a few mistakes and probably shown the disdain I hold for him on occasion. However, I am not the only one amongst the small group of friends who know him and also think less of him. I won't go into the details, since this blog is supposed to be about me and not this girl, who is, in my eyes (as well as others), making a mistake. Lately, I've seen some dissension between the two of them, so I guess my friends and I will have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when it all ends.

Still, I can't deflect the criticisms that she has thrown at me in these past months, regarding habitiual defects that I've always shown and never hidden, and never mattered to her in the past year and a half that I've known her. Yet they have suddenly become sources of contention between us. People actually shy away when they see the two of us talking to each other. I have no idea why I'm now being attacked as if I were her mortal enemy.

I have asked my friends who know her if they have noticed any changes about the two of us. Most have told me that she has changed and I haven't changed a bit. I can't seem to be able to hold a conversation with her that doesn't eventually lead into an arguement with more heated and contentious words being thrown at each other.

It's sad to admit, but I've moved towards avoidance simply so that I don't have to get into another fight about nothing important. It's as if we were on the tail end of a failing relationship. What's worse is that I'm not even getting to see any of the better parts before arriving at this point.

Anyway, to get away from this less than cheerful topic, I am guilty once more of getting gift cards for family and friends. My excuse, of course, is that I am a poor college student and I don't have time to shop, since finals end this coming Friday. I probably won't even wrap them. I get lazier and lazier as each year progresses. Lol.

If I survive finals, I may post more before this calendar year ends. I have a feeling though that I won't be posting until Christmas, so I want to wish that everyone have a Happy Holiday!