The dawn is breaking.

I am wondering, what do you do when you discover that you have no one around to connect to? I mean that when you have feelings that you need to share with someone and everyone around you is centered on their own lives and affairs. When even the the closest of friends can't really understand what is going on because they don't get to share those experiences as we did in the past. Nor devote the time to be there in those moments when all you need is someone to just go out with and sit in an all night diner just talking about anything and everything over bottomless cups of coffee.

As my friends and I have grown older, we have taken different paths and accepted more responsibility. With these responsibilities, we have accepted certain restrictions on our lives that prevent us from being irresponsible. Such as hanging out at a diner until the sun arises once more. Or dropping by unexpectedly to hang out until 2 AM in the morning.

Circumstances are such that I have been freed from that vicious cycle of being more responsible and less flexible because of the demands of those responsibilities. I have returned to school, and while there certainly is responsibility, there isn't anyone that I can really talk to. Sure, I've met new people, have new potential friends that I share my time with, but there are times when I notice the age gap. It is especially noticable when they start asking me about things that they have no experience in. (Like what to do when chasing a girl or when they ask me how I am so familiar with the DOS operating system. I know I should feel honored that they trust me enough to ask me about some of these things.) But like all college students who are earning their way, they too work during their free time, so they don't have much time to while away either.

Now, I look to my close friends and regrettably, they are not able to accommodate my requests to hang out and talk about everything and nothing at all. Girlfriends, wives, husbands, children, and having to go to work in the morning now hold a central place in their lives. I don't begrudge them these things, as they have worked for and earned what responsibilities they now have.

I am ever appreciative when my friends draw me into their lives and are willing to share with me what goes on in their lives. I get opportunities to practice my parental skills, socialize, and see sights I haven't ever seen before. Without them, I probably would have lost my sanity already from all the stresses I am under.

However, I find that I often greet the dawn alone with all those words I have to say unsaid. I know that those held in words and feelings are stifled by the demands of life. I wonder if retaining what should have been shared stunts my mental and emotional growth in some way. So, being uncertain of where I can go and share, I ask these questions in the hopes that an answer might come to me.