The farewell party.

Yep. Just as I suspected the night would go. Completely full of sweet sentiments, good wishes, tears of joy and tears of farewell. Yet, somehow, entirely heartwrenching. I lost count of the number of times the smile plastered on my face slid off into a frown. Watching the obiligatory slide show pictures pulled from the happy couple's past, the pictures of them smiling, hugging each other, having fun with each other and kissing each other.

Listening to family and friends recount their funny experiences with the happy couple, lightly roasting them with embarrasing recollections, and generally expressing wishes for the best on their new endeavor. Listening as others, some I knew and some I didn't know, shared happy memories with us all. Watching as the happy couple wiped away the tears that welled up in happiness and laughter. Watching the joy that they shared, and the love that was showered upon them by family and friends alike.

I could barely restrain the tears welling up in my eyes too. Tears of pain and quiet suffering. Watching each happy picture and feeling the cut of a knife within me, savagely sawing away at my heartstrings. Listening to the recollections and wondering what my family and friends thought of me. Feeling the ache of loneliness gnawing at me as I sat alone in an isolated corner. Wondering if there will ever be such a time when I would be the center of such love and affection. I couldn't even say goodbye to this couple because I was unable to take joy in their happiness and knowing that to confront them would break the dam of feelings that I barely held in check.

Please don't feel sorry for me. I have chosen the path that I am now walking and if I feel any regrets, I will bear them. And, I will share them. With you, here on this blog, where those who know me won't be able to see my tears. As I have said before, misery loves company, so share and revel in it one and all.