Like a starving man dreams of food.

So, I had an interview today. I think it went well. Now, I need to be patient and see if I make the cut. Of course, I hope that I do. Though, I have a bad feeling that my hopes will be dashed yet again.

Things haven't changed much in my life. I'm still laying awake at nights wondering if the money I have on hand will be enough for the month. And then wondering if I'll have any income at all next month to pay the bills for next month. Still working on and off as a photographer, though that has slackened to almost nothing.

I can almost remember a time when I only had to wonder if I had enough money to splurge on my vacation and if I should put more money away for my retirement. That memory is kind of foggy. A time where I had no need to worry about whether I had enough in the bank, because that's what the credit cards were for. Can it be that it was only four years ago?

Knowing that these past three years have fundamentally changed the way I think about spending my hard earned money is something I have to take as a positive. I actually congratulate myself at the end of the day when I go the entire day without subtracting from that diminishing (and diminished) balance. A momentary bit of elation before the wondering starts again.

Lately, my dreams (the few I can remember) have been focusing on my lack of income. A vague anxiety that I won't ever work again has spurred my dreams into a frenzy where I am working and getting paid in pennies. It's not something I want to wake up in the morning remembering. It's kind of like a starving man dreaming of food because it's all he can think of. Well, this starving boy is looking for a feast.