V-day

Tomorrow, I’ll be working again. For the first time in a three months. I have been living very frugally during this time between jobs because of an inability to collect my unemployment checks. I won’t make any new comments on the fallacies of the NYS DOL, as again, they failed to come through in my time of need. No surprise there, when you think about it, since it the number of layoffs in that time have been very high. Not that I am excusing their repeated missteps.

However, I’m working again. Ironically, it will be to capture the photographs of happy couples as they celebrate on this manufactured occasion for couples. Not that I’m complaining… Too much that is.

I wonder though. How will I feel as I immerse myself in an environment where I will be the only single guy in a room full of couples? I can’t deny that I might feel a bit of envy. A bit of disquiet over why I am not seated at one of these tables with someone I care for. Wondering why I am not spending lavishly on someone special to me.

Of course, the simple reason is that I can’t maintain a decent living, let alone managing the funds to meet someone new. There is no denying that to meet someone special, you have to make an investment. Both in time and money. If you don’t believe me, tell me how many new people you’ll meet holed up in your room. Or at the library.

You’ll be spending money the moment turn the ignition key to drive to a singles meet. You’ll be spending money the moment you turn on the computer to check out an online match site. And we won’t forget consider the money you’ll spend (even if you split the costs) on the first date. Even if that someone special has very low expectations, you’ll still want to spend time with them, doing something besides sitting on the couch, which means spending money.

When I listen to the lyrics of several songs (“love don’t cost a thing,” “you can still touch my love, it’s free”, or “the way I are”) recently, I realize how unrealistic they are. To catch someone's attention before they will let love enter the relationship, you need to spend some money to be in the right place for them to notice you. Or is it because I am looking too pragmatically at this? Just maybe, I am thinking about mundane things when I should consider the larger picture.

Regardless of my self doubts and concerns, I will have to walk up to complete strangers and smile at them. Then ask them to pose for me as I take their happy pictures. And pretend that I don’t feel the flames of envy licking at my pragmatic soul.