Resistance is futile.

Another midterm down, two more to go. But I'm sure that's not why you visit though. ;) So, here we go:

In that ever enduring pursuit of a relationship and perhaps, love, I have watched many people rush headlong into long term relationships, engagements, and possibly even marriage. For some, it is the consummation of their unending love for each other when they finally walk down that aisle in some church, temple, or courtroom. For others, well, let’s just say that they were not meant to be.

In these failed attempts at connecting with someone special, some aspect about their relationship was not worked out, or not finalized before they chose to move forward together. When hardship came about, what had merely been a small crack in the armor of their relationship became a gaping rent. And then, I would hear from others that they had seperated and the relationship that remained would be, at the least, much less cordial. There would be the usual accusations and hurtful remarks that usually are reserved for the most hated of enemies.

Sitting betwixt these two lovers turned contenders, one can only listen helplessly as they air out months and years of minor “infractions” as well as other slights that had been permitted and gone unmentioned or flaws that they had overlooked in the other’s character for far too long. Finally, the last thing they would do together, their final act as one unified whole, would be signing the divorce papers prior to going on their seperate ways.

I have always understood that being in a relationship means overlooking minor faults and eccentricities of your significant other. Minor actions or misdeeds that one must forgive, and then, forget in the name of Love. That being patient, communicative, understanding and being kindest to the one closest to you were the keys to an enduring relationship.

As I watched these relationships fall apart, I can see that what I understand to be the keys to longevity weren’t being observed. I have watched friends fall quickly in and then just as quickly out of love. Often with the (misguided?) understanding that there must be someone out there that is the perfect match for them. We tell each other that they should not give up hope because there is someone just for them.

Are we, perhaps, wrong in thinking this? Shouldn't we make the relationships we are in work somehow? There must have been some reason for getting into the relationship at the start. Was there an initial weakness in the foundation of this relationship that caused the resultant break up? In light of what I've seen and experienced personally, I see the kernel of truth taking root.

What I understand about relationships, I don’t always do. I have done my share of things that have caused relationships to end. Said unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) mean things, or not said a word at all when things were going south. Then, of course, there are the things that potential partners have been perpetrated against me that I don’t care to go over any more. It should suffice to say that the blame should be laid equally all around and each of us were victims.

Experiences like those unmentionable ones have made me more cautious about giving my heart out to anyone. Instead of the youthful naivety that I once proffered to my prospective partner, I have become cautious, almost expecting that the person I am interested in returns my interest before I will commit any further. Which, of course, causes me to often agonize over whether or not I am imagining some reciprocated interest existing there in the first place.

Unlike the perfect lover, I know that I do not forget misdeeds done against me. I can say that there are things that a partner can do that I would just not be able to overlook. My child-like innocence has long since passed, and I am wary of entering another relationship that won’t work. I couldn't bear going through another messy relationship that won't result in the end of my searching. Yet, without trying, I won't find what it is that I seek. More of this irony stuff.

Still, as time slowly erodes away the emotional intensity of those painful memories, I begin to think to myself that perhaps I can overlook some misdeed which at a time closer to some past relationship, I would have adamantly stated that I could not abide with. Much like the tide wears away at a rock, my resistance is slowly fading. Time to see if I can lay a better foundation this time. I think I might name it Peter. (Ok, you can laugh. It was a joke! Oh, nevermind.)