So, when are you going to get married?

I went to the Christmas party for the other half of my extended family (this being my father's side) and it also happens to be the larger side of the family. We all gathered together and being the most technically inclined member in this family, I get asked for help to fix computers, help them set up itunes and their ipods, etc. And I usually get the things working in short order. Not bad for a guy who doesn't own an ipod and has never used itunes. That wasn't so bad. The real trick is remembering pertinent details about family that you don't see on a regular basis.

You know how things go when you don't see all of the family in a while, you sort of lose track of their ages and when you go and ask, you get the surprise of your life. She's how old now? And she is going to college now? I remember holding her in my arms and giving her a bottle of milk. He's going to graduate this spring? That doesn't jive with my mental image of him as a four year old in his first tux. The worst part is when you finally get clued in on the fact that another cousin had a baby in the interim since your last visit. Then there is the annoucement that some other cousin is getting married. The realization that time has flown is most apparent when I play with the next generation of children.

Where did the time go? I see on the horizon that the big three oh is fast approaching and I look on my recent past wondering where are the achievements that I can boast about. What have I to show for it? I've realized that I've been running in place without really accomplishing much. This should really prod me to work harder at accomplishing something. However, I realize that I am already working hard at something, which is getting my engineering degree.

The hardest thing for me to overlook are the expectant faces looking for the girl I should be introducing as my prospective future wife. You can't really explain to them that it is all on hold until I can get my engineering degree, and even daydreaming about a girl can be trouble when I need to stay focused. Many of you think that this shouldn't be a great deal of pressure. Well, I need to explain a few things to you about my cultural heritage.

If you haven't heard of the horrible stories of young asian females getting drowned, killed or left to die because their parents really wanted a boy, you've been living in a cave. (Sorry about the horrible imagery on Christmas Day) The reason is that my culture counts boys as a blessing and well, I won't go over how my cultural heritage counts females. My family is more enlightened and more understanding, but they are no different.

Add to this that I am the first male son of the first male son of the first male son of the first male son in the family (yeah, that's four generations), there is a great deal of importance for me to marry and produce a strapping healthy son. I have a streak to keep up. So, when they look expectantly for me to walk in with a pretty and healthy child-bearing girl in tow, there is a great deal riding on this for my family.

So, on top of my need to find someone who is both intellectually compatible and has a great personality, she needs to provide all of those things that my family expects. It's no wonder at all that I can't find someone. As much as I celebrate the fact that my family is happy and healthy, and moving on to larger things, I will always have this looming over me until the day I bring in that baby boy. It kind of dulls the happiness one can take from the holidays.

The good news is that as we become more assimilated into the American culture, equality holds more sway and each successive generation will count it to be less important if you have either sex for a child. Hopefully, any child that is produced from my union won't have that weighing over their heads.