Can I learn to dance?

I went to a wedding today. If I could think of another situation that would feel like happy torture, I would name it. To clarify this, I mean that you're happy for the couple (even if the poor guy is being sentenced for life) yet you are tortured by being the third wheel at a table full of couples and being forced to listen to love songs through most of the reception. No, as much as I wanted to open up the veins in my wrist, I forgot to bring anything sharp enough to do the job right.

Forget about scoping for a possible girlfriend candidate. The ones that are actually attractive enough to capture my eye are either married, seriously dating someone by bringing a candidate of their own to show off at the wedding, or so trashed (from envy?) that they aren't coherent enough to talk to. Yeah, it's tempting to take advantage of them. Except that half of the people there are related to me in some way. How does one know for sure that this isn't your third cousin from your grandfather's first marriage? And to add another reason to not take advantage of them, I was asked to be the designated driver. The rest of the attractive ones that are there came with their family and I know what happened the last time I went after such an attractive female.

To further feel like a wet blanket, the DJ insists on playing every sappy love song that exists. So when everyone at your table gets up to slow dance, you're stuck watching their purses. Though, to be honest, I can't dance very well. I only know how to do the three step shuffle (right step, tap left foot next to right, move left back to where it started from followed by right foot and repeat) as I sway around. However, I don't want to get stuck with the purses, I want to be up on that dance floor swaying with my hip attached to some pretty lady in a silk dress. Talking about something that makes us both laugh.

Perhaps this makes me a hopeless romantic. It could be the reason I am standing against the wall, doing my best to keep it from falling over. It could also be the reason I get asked to drive the poor drunk people home in a rented van. It could also mean that I am more sensitive to the reality that my arms are empty and that I am alone, waiting for someone to come along. Or it could be symptomatic of something else. I wonder how much dance lessons cost.