Pinned by my choice of colors?

It's been a terrible weekend for me. The tab for repairing my car was more than two of my weekly unemployment checks. I was thinking of losing some weight, however this is a bit much for even me to handle. It's hard to admit even semi-anonymously that I have no idea what to do next. This is probably the first time I have ever been in such dire financial straits (I can now buy a brand new near luxury car with the credit card debts alone).

I went out last night with the intention of having a relaxing night to perhaps momentarily forget that I am more than flat broke. Instead, I spent the entire evening preoccupied by my finances while nursing the one bottle of beer I allowed myself.

Amazing how the span of 24 hours can change one's mood from feeling good to downright in the dumps.

Enough of this depressing lamenting about my situation. I need to remind myself that there is a purpose to saddling myself with all this debt. Financial surety as an employable engineeer. Not that this greatly assuages my worries today. Two years is still enough time for Murphy's law to kick in. Perhaps a good night's sleep will change my perspective.

On a semi-unrelated subject, while writing this blog article, I was surfing and found this website. This is part of the results from that test:

Personality Analysis:
The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own, and to stand out from the rank and file. His control of his sensual instincts restricts his ability to give himself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow himself to merge with another. This disturbs him, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; he feels that only by continued self-restraint can he hope to maintain his attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for himself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

Feels that he is receiving less than his share and that there is no one on who he can rely for sympathy and understanding. Pent-up emotions make him quick to take offense, but he realizes that he has to make the best of things as they are.

Wants to broaden his fields of activity and insists that his hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that he may be prevented from doing what he wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore his confidence.

Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and affectionate understanding. Feels he has been treated with a lack of consideration and is upset and agitated as a result. Regards his situation as intolerable as long as his requirements are not complied with.

Your actual problems:

• Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.


• Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling him to free himself of the worry that he may be prevented from achieving all the things he wants.

It is uncanny how well this description captures the essence of my feelings and personality so easily. My reaction was: "WTF? Picking a semi-random selection of colors and they can read your mind?"

Who needs a pshrink when a website can surgically take your feelings apart and lay them out in such concise words? Worse yet, it lays out clearly the probability of having a successful relationship. No one I can rely on? Ouch. There goes the trust aspect. Insists that his hopes and ideas are realistic? That is an underhanded way of saying that these hopes and ideas aren't realistic. And here I am seeking adoration and attention as exhibited in my first post. I think I will pick up the shattered remenants of my easily dissected ego and do as it says: Take a nap.