Can we say "Jail bait"??

I suppose there are any number of guys who get this:

You schmooze your way into a $500 a ticket fund-raising gala where champagne is served in crystal glasses and you see this stunning vision of a woman. *cues in jungle fever music* She's a pretty blonde (out of a bottle) with brown eyes standing in about 5'7" and a tomboyish figure. The most obvious attribute (and likely the one that caught my attention) is her well endowed chest. Can we say all-natural? (How do I know, you ask? Just read on and you will understand.)

She's wearing a black blouse of a type that clings in the right places and displays her attributes without showing large amounts of flesh. Her skirt is a white, salmon and black angled slashed striped skirt. It is of a kind of skirt, that in the simplest (and least flattering) description, would be if one imagines that they made a tablecloth of the material and in the colors she was wearing last night then cut a hole in the middle. Yeah, I have no idea what style of cut that skirt is called, and I just made it hard for anyone who reads this to imagine her as pretty without sniggering. Anyway, enough with my terrible descriptions.

So, you see this vision, then uncharacteristically decide to discard your wallflower habit and introduce yourself to her. She's receptive! Bonus! Fastforward past a few glasses of champagne and she opens up some. Okay, she becomes very, very talkative. And while you are sipping your champagne, she lets it be known that she is enjoying her time there and she is the ripe age of sixteen. *cue in sound of needle sliding off record* YES! One followed by a six.

I somehow managed not to spew my mouthful of champagne (quit it with those innuendos) onto her blouse and work hard at extricating myself from our conversation. Then I moved immediately to the other side of the room and down a couple more glasses of champagne. I try to work myself into a few more conversations with other groups of ladies and I end up standing at the edge of these conversations. Largely because they are talking about things I know nothing about and since I do know that you look smarter if you keep your mouth shut.

Two hours into the night at this gala, realizing that the prospects of meeting someone here were slim, I notice at my elbow this young female again. And she is as talkative as ever. Now I notice that a number of aforementioned ladies are now looking at me. Not good, not good at all. Somehow, I make my excuses and then removed myself from that gala. I was home by midnight.

I tell you, it seems that curse I cast upon myself is fully in effect. So, am I the only one with this sort of luck? Please tell me I have company in this. Pretty please?