It's not you, it's me.

It's not you, it's me.

How many times has that been used as an excuse to break up with someone? Lately, it's been my excuse as well. Not to get out of a relationship, but to not get into one. I stopped keeping count of how many craz-- I mean interesting people I have tried dating, some that I have chosen to recount here.

Until recently, I had followed that mantra that the next one will be the one, and she won't have baggage that I can't stand to deal with. Of late, I simply stopped looking. I stopped caring if this person is interested in me, I stopped worrying about my appearance (I'm wearing an oversized sweater, ripped jeans, moccasins and I'm sporting a two week old beard around my chin right now), and I really, really am not at all interested in getting into any type of relationship anymore.

Does it surprise you that I said that I'm not looking anymore? I won't even point you to links of disaster after disaster that has been my lot for the past several woman I've expressed interest in. It's not that I'm discouraged or afraid. I've come to the opinion that I am indifferent to any overture to be involved with someone that intimately.

So, in the past month, what has happened? I went to that halloween parade in NYC, and had four different women grope or otherwise violate my person. One was bold enough to push herself against me and do a full frontal body rub. I am also one hundred percent sure she was all female and she wasn't at all unattractive either. Another wrapped herself around me pretending to use my shoulder as a tripod for her camera. (My valuables were inside my jacket, which was zipped closed.)

More recently, I was sitting in a secluded corner of my favorite office/restaurant, also known as Panera Bread. As I tried to study for a test, I looked up to catch this very attractive asian girl who had positioned herself so that she could be staring right at me. Only when I made eye contact did she turn back to her companion.

Another time, I was sitting at a $tarbucks and I was typing up a lab report. I caught movement outside the store window in the corner of my eye and glanced up only to see another young woman walking by. As I turned to face forward, she walked by with her boyfriend. She slowed down just enough to look straight back at me.

Tonight, I am working on more engineering lab work and looked up as I yawned. Only to make eye contact with another woman as she turned her head to look straight at me for more than a couple of seconds. Then she turned back to her conversation.

Lately, even getting up to walk to the restroom has been an occasion for women of various ages to look my way as I came nearby. I'm not even going to ask what these women see in me right now. I am dressed unfashionably, I need a hair cut (not to mention a shave) and I'm relatively broke to boot.

Either I was oblivious before or now that I don't even pay attention to them, I am causing them to pay attention to me. I can't believe that I was that unaware, so it must be the latter. So, with that in mind, I have to say to all of these women, "Hey, it's not you, it's all me". Not that I'm starting to feel hunted or anything.