A Week of Bad Days

I am going to continue my current train of thought, which happens to be my mental recovery from an unexpected detour off the path I had laid for myself in this life and discuss something about my new plans. Instead of the original track about chasing Love in its unceasing jaunt through my life. As I pointed out to my friend, no matter what happens with her, if I can't straighten out my own life, romance is pointless.

I have had several close friends whom, after learning of my plans to quit schooling effective Monday, have urged me to stay in classes. At the very least for this semester. They have pointed out to me that May 19th, or the end of this current semester, is just over a month away. Even a professor, whom I had to explain my situation to, encouraged me to hang on until the end of the semester. I am hesitant to delay gaining full time employment until then. When I consider my available funds, I have just enough at my current frugal budget to last out until July.

My generous and loving parents have lent me my father's commuting vehicle, a beat up van, that guzzles gas at twice the rate of my old car and burns a quart of oil a month. I am not complaining about their generousity. I am merely observing that my expenses have just increased. Not to mention that my insurance premium is most certainly going up. Of course, good used cars don't come cheaply, either.

A while back, I had written this post about what we believe in. In it, I quoted a verse out of the bible and inferred that God will not tempt us more than we can bear. In spite of the foolishness in questioning these things, I really wonder how big my shoulders must be to continue taking this kind of a beating and somehow recover from it all. In that post, I also joked about God's sense of humor. I can almost laugh about where that's gotten me. I'm not saying that I attribute this to His direct intervention, but there is a glaring coincidence that I can't seem to overlook. At the least, I can still say that I am alive.

I cannot tell you, my readers, how much of a relief it will be to finally go to a job interview and be told that I am hired. The continual strain of watching my dwindling cash reserves as well as the, as of today, fruitless search for a job that can be flexible enough to permit me to continue my education has taken a great toll on my mental health.

Nearly every single job that I have been interviewed for cited my hours of availability as the reason they have refused to hire me. I even had a friend pull strings for me to get me an interview at a company he is well connected at and they still declined to hire me for the same reason, in spite of his glowing recommendation.

Based on this mounting discouragement, I have made my decision to stop my schooling. As much as it pains me to do this, knowing full well that like the path not chosen, it is unlikely I will ever return for the schooling I need to become an engineer. Monday is the start of spring break for my school. During this week, I will seek some form of employment that can meet my financial needs. If I can't find something that works with my current school scheduling, I will not be going back.

As for that girl in the engineering class, I have more bad news to share. (Will it ever end?) On the last day before spring break started, I met her boyfriend. Yes. Her boyfriend. Which was not me. How do I know that they are in a relationship? Allow me to explain how I found out.

I was exiting my class and they were heading down the hall together. As they waited for the elevator, she leant over and kissed him on the lips. Then they entered the elevator together. Her back was to me, so she never saw me as I watched them depart. He, the boyfriend, is wheelchair bound and a paraplegic. Whatever life has thrown my way so far, I am still an able bodied person. Sadly, I know that there is no way that I will, in good conscience, seperate her from him.

My affection remains unrequited. I am moving on, the little bit of time and thought that I invested in that failed relationship was well spent, as it reminded me of what I had forgotten. The risk worthy of the reward, I suppose. Someday, I might find Love again, and it will make me happy. (Cue Daniel Powter's Bad Day.)

In the meantime, Monday starts the full on search for employment. By the end of next week, I may well be saying, "Would you like some fries with that order?" Maybe I will be able to swallow my pride enough. Just maybe.