What women want?

I was sitting at Panera Bread during the lunch hours, working on my laptop, being soothed by the random noises and words surrounding me as I concentrated on (catching up on) my engineering work. As often happens here, my ears will catch a snippet of conversation that will interest me and I will listen for a while in the guise of looking stumped and concentrating on my screen. Seriously, I have better things to do, but it helps my concentration if I have something to distract me every once in a while. Besides, with my lack of prospects, I need to find some form of entertainment. It's rather funny to see that Overheard in NY was recently in the paper. I don't live in NYC, so they won't get this from me. It really is because our lives are so boring and staid that we listen to (eavesdrop?) other people's conversations. It's not like they're talking quietly anyway.

On this particular day, two men in their power blue dress shirts and slacks sat down at a table and started to eat their meal. As I was working, I overheard a snippet: "It's getting to the point where I just want to hump her." Suddenly, I was all ears. This came from the guy with the tonsured hairdo. The other guy, trying to defend his happy(?) marriage responded that this was something less than safe. Tonsured responds with, "Yeah, I know. You know what my fantasy is? I tell her that I'm going to leave my front door open and she drops in." Tonsured goes on with some very sordid and graphic details and concludes, "This is only a fantasy, you know?" The other guy responds that this isn't likely to happen. After this, I stop listening and go back to concentrating on my work.

The only thing is, I am still thinking on that conversation. My thought was, "Wow, what a pig." I'm a guy, and some of the things he had said simply make all guys look bad. And yet, he's more likely to get the girl than I am. Think of it this way. He's got a job, which is probably stable and he is established. I'm unemployed, living check to check, and racking up the credit card debt trying to pay off my schooling. He's aggressive, and will let that woman know what he wants if he wants to. I will give subtle hints (that are often misread) and see that girl walk out the door without giving me a second thought. His attitude is confident, which lends him an air of "control." On the other hand, I am quiet and shy, and will seem diffident or aloof, making it hard for the girl to get close or feel comfortable with getting into a conversation with me. He'll undress her with his eyes, and I will look intensely into them. He will know what chest size she is and I will know what color her eyes are and whether she has freckles. He will say something that relaxes her, and I will say something that will offend her. He sees her as a bunch of body parts and I see the entire package. He comes off as a self-assured, affluent, and confident guy. I come off as the one you keep an eye on because he might be a stalker.

So, tell me again, why do females go for someone like Tonsured and not me? I pay attention to them, and they get uncomfortable. Or is it as Chris Rock says, "Women are all LIARS." The things women say they want aren't really what they want. Is it really because they want to have the feeling of accomplishment that they saved or corrected someone's wayward habits? I'll be the first to think otherwise because I have listened to conversations when the ones they've "saved" act no different when their significant other aren't around. Perhaps I may be giving them up, but sometimes, curdled milk can't be saved.

Or perhaps, maybe it *is* all a matter of perception. Perhaps, I should perceive less and look at more. Objectify, not identify with? All matter is constituted of smaller parts. If I see the smaller parts better, will that make it easier to see the bigger picture? Maybe I should know if she has a great ass, whether she's wearing a thong, and be able to eyeball someone's chest and know the size and measurement. Or, maybe I should go rent that movie Mel Gibson was in, What Women Want. Will I finally understand what they see in someone like Tonsured? Or should I rent Old School? If I act the jerk, will I suddenly attract women like flies to honey? Or is that type of understanding like trying to touch the stars?