Hope is the denial of reality

When I was younger, I had a notion in my mind that I hoped against. It was based on a simple phrase. "If you wanted something done right, do it yourself." I vainly hoped that my experiences as a young adult were an anomaly. One that as I grew older, would change.

A few years ago, I had asked someone to help me work on a project. Not that I couldn't have done it all by myself, rather I wanted to share the experience with someone whom I thought was capable. Perhaps bring them to a level where I could rely on this person to do this project so that I might focus on something new. It wasn't something hard, since I had already trailblazed the initial path and all this person would be doing is following those steps.

So, I let loose the reins on the project and watched them to see how they handled things. To put it charitably, they botched it all up. After ten minutes, it was clear they hadn't put one iota of attention to what I had showed them. The spectacular effort I had put forth became a pile of missteps that became more and more evident to untrained observers.

I sat there watching the fiasco sick to my stomach. My name, my reputation sat upon the ineptitude of the person now bungling through what should have been a precise, not so intricate, series of changes that would have made the project appear seamless. Instead, it was horrifying for me to watch and quite apparent that mistakes were being made to every person observing the event.

Recently, I tried my best to arrange a similar project, though for a smaller group of people. This event was more geared towards learning instead of display. I still don't rely on anyone else to make the arrangements and I find myself worn out physically and mentally from all the running around during hours when I am not working my regular job.

I still hope that I might meet a few people who I can count on to do what I do best and not have to eat an entire roll of Tums to still my stomach. Yet, what is that quote again?

Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it.
"-Margaret Weis

Perhaps I do deny the reality that there isn't anyone around me right now who can do what I can do. I'm not sure if that is uplifting or just plain sad.