Missing that joy of life

I've often wondered on why grand gestures are such a large part of what we consider attractive to in other people. Perhaps, another way to say this is that we are attracted to people who are unabashedly confident. Certain gestures connote that confidence, or more precisely, liveliness.

For instance, I was working on a rather unremarkable and tedious "refresher" lab for one of the classes I am taking. Sitting in my usual office at Panera bread, it offers a sweeping view of the parking lot (indeed, my office with a view). As I worked, a group of teenagers congregated around the front entrance.

Several teens exited from the premises and one of the young women gestured with her arms spread wide open and a smile on her face, which was aimed to the sunlight. They stood there for several minutes talking. I only noticed her because of her wild gesture and as I considered it, life affirming gesture.

I would say that her features, while pretty in a young way, had not matured into womanhood yet, and wasn't what would be considered classically beautiful. Yet, with her apparent joie de vivre, she was more attractive then the component parts that included her physical beauty. She had a ready smile which she bestowed easily on all of her friends, before she got into her car and drove off with them.

Put in that light, I recall one such woman that I tried dating and at the time, I couldn't understand how such a physically attractive woman could still be alone. When I met her, I recalled how pretty she seemed. Yet, I remember how hard it was to get her to talk about herself. Even as I made an effort to draw her out, I could recall the things she said brought strongly to my mind that she desired to be in a relationship.

So, it came as a surprise to me when she disclosed that she had been single for quite a while. As I spent some time with her, that time passed as if we were still strangers. I recall now how little she laughed at anything. I like to think I might be funny once in a while, but I couldn't get this woman to laugh. A faint smile once in a while was the best I could manage.

I didn't think she would ever be happy for the sake of being happy. Imagine a lifetime with someone who wouldn't laugh. I couldn't accept that. What made it worse was that a friend of her older brother who was less pretty, but laughed out loud and horsed around, attracted me far more. I can only imagine how angry she was with me when she saw my natural reaction, which was to respond in kind. The reason I say this is that she refuses to speak to me even now.

So, I guess I have to add another requirement to those that I already have for that future mate of my life. She has to be able to laugh, and more importantly, have a keen sense of joy for this life that we have in this world. I think I may well have consigned myself to bachelorhood with all these requirements.