Pandora's Box Part II

Since I am on the topic of females, let's open Pandora's box once more and see what new things come out. I will reiterate the male party line and say that women are indeed the root of all evil. (And yet, somehow, we can't live without them. Go figure.) I am convinced that the idea of romance, that "love will find a way" is indeed the evil construct of overly effeminite men and women dreaming of a utopia that has never existed on this earth. As I noted often before, I long to have someone by my side, even as I disparage what I long for.

In spite of what I've said agaist that other worthy species (as females are generally a different species with compatible dna), my social life has been one big black hole lately and I have to admit, I am getting a bit desperate. I like having alone time only when there is someone to come back to when I am ready to rejoin society. Sadly, things have not been going my way lately. I fear that I am becoming one large walking (and very desperate) hormone. Maybe I am getting overeager and it is showing. Perhaps this is the facade I am presenting to females in general.

My face must truly be a sight to behold as it declares to the world that I have lowered my standards: Tossed away are the requirements of a good figure and pretty face. Stripped away are the needs for a upbeat personality, patience, kindness, and wittiness. Intelligence and insight be damned. Perceptiveness should be at the level of the dumbest of dumb blondes. She can have the diginity and grace of a drunken clown, for all I care. All that remains is the expectation that she must breathe, be human, and naturally (as well as medically certified) female that will put up with me without being bitchy about it.

Is this what I am presenting? Is this the face I put forward? Am I trying to play poker with an expression that says, "I have nothing in this hand?" *SIGH* I really don't want to lower my standards. It leads to nothing more than heartache. I have not ever bared my heart like this for the world to see. However, without these standards, I don't think I could ever be happy. I would rather be alone and lonely for the rest of my living days then to accept less. I will go on to say more:

I want someone who can know how I feel and what I am thinking without me saying it (especially since I probably won't say it). I want that someone to share a small knowing smile with me because they feel and think the same thing. I want her to be funny and to be the bright sunshine that keeps me smiling throughout the day. And when I return to her, feel uplifted when I see her. I want to see nothing but the best side of her even when she isn't her best. I want to see her in her favorite black little dress and have to wear a bib to keep the drool off my shirt. I want to learn of new things I don't know about because they are of interest to her. I want to share with her what I know and how I see the world. I want and need that relationship I have with her to always be new, and with each day bring forth discovery of something that we haven't experienced before. Most of all, I want her to love and need me while not being bitchy about it. (Am I setting my standards too high here? Somebody please let me know!)

The ironic thing to be aware of is at the moment that I stop looking, it will happen. I have been told about this reality. I have seen it happen before. When I least expect it, she will walk into my life and cause me to forget what I am doing and thinking. She will cause an excrutiating joy to well up within my heart and I will be completely bereft of thought. I will appear to all the world like a gibbering monkey. Now if only it would happen already so that I can get the embarrasment out of the way.

Anyway, I am now in a bad mood. Perhaps it is because I have stumbled upon this website. Do I laugh or do I cry from realizing that I can relate all too well? All aboard, this (six inch shorter) emotional yo-yo is going down.