Going round and round

There are times when I feel like I am circling in place, round and round, as I wait for fortune to smile upon me and let me move one step closer to the goals I have set for myself.

It was worse when I was trying to be an engineer.  Technology changes so fast that I felt that even though I learned something, I was already behind because something had come out to make my knowledge obsolete.  An endless treadmill trying to stay current on things that would no longer be relevant tomorrow.


While working as an engineer, I wasn't on the bleeding edge, but I certainly saw products well before they got to consumer hands.  I played with stuff that I knew I could never afford, even on an engineer's salary, but often wanted to own.  By now, some of the items I played with are probably finally in the hands of consumers.

And if I were still working at that job, I'd already be playing with the next new thing.  Ironically, what I was doing wasn't really hard to do, but you needed the knowledge that an engineer would have to qualify for the position.  What I couldn't deal with was the isolation.  You could never talk about the next new thing you were playing with outside of the department you were in.

Imagine being super excited about some product that would be coming out soon and having no outlet to share the cool news.  Spilling the beans was grounds for dismissal.  Even if it were by accident.  Each time we saw something new, a new cycle of stifling your enthusiasm ensued.

When I started the job, I thought it was ideal.  I got to play with new stuff.  I didn't have to talk to many people and I would be fairly well off on the income I would bring home.  How little I knew my own inner self at that point.

It turned out that I actually hunger for human interaction.  And it was more important to me than playing with new toys.  Or making a decent income.  I eventually left that job and became a photographer.  A job where I deal with all kinds of people every single day.  And I've been happier in taking that huge change in my life.

The issue is that I find myself needing money to pay for my car (which has gotten a serious beating from all the driving I do), to help cover rent, and to pay for the equipment that photographers need to streamline their workflow.  So, the big surprise here is that I am coming full circle and seriously looking at engineering jobs to pay the bills.  Sorry, couldn't help the sarcasm.