Hello, my name is Grant...

Things have been very busy these past few months.  So busy that I had completely forgotten to post anything here.  No excuse, I know, I know.  But it happened and nothing I can do will bring me back in time to adjust the past.  Actually, I had blocked some time to write something Saturday, but my car decided to call my attention to the fact that it wasn't stopping very well.  So that time went to replacing the brakes so that I could live another day in my current existence.

So, I said that I've been busy, and I have been, but it's that type of busy where you go full speed while staying in place.  My situation today is not all that different from January, or even August.  And the frustration is mounting, I guess.  I feel that I might as well do nothing, since doing something doesn't seem to be moving me along.

However, when I honestly look at what I've been doing, it really is nothing.  I'm playing an online internet game that is merely a repetitive attempt to amass beans so that I can use the beans to buy me more useless decorations that will help me amass more beans.  And, well, it's repetitively boring because, like my life, I am running in circles getting nowhere fast.

Every time I decide to stop playing and take a hold of my life to get things together because there really are better and more important things to do with my life, I inevitably turn on the computer after accomplishing one measly task as a reward.  I know that it isn't really a reward, but I do it anyway.  Just like an addict, I go back for more.

What's more, I even boasted to a friend that I could and do stop playing to accomplish work.  Which I do.  But I feel like a hypocrite every time I open up the browser.  There's no denying that hypocrisy when I put off something to play a game.

Part of the reason I return to the game is that I've met people there in the game that are happy to see me whenever I visit.  And it is the more important reward that I can't seem to get enough of in life.  Perhaps it's the crux of the matter.  I want attention.  And there is no one in my life willing to be happy to see me when I visit. And no, I don't want a dog, which sadly does meet the criteria.

Is that what I've become?  An attention whore?  Say it ain't so.