Are you a good listener?

I've been guilty of not reading the usual group of blogs that I normally read, much less commenting of late. Part of the reason is that I've been working on my tan at the local beach (I really need to get rid of the farmer's tan). Add to this reason, staying on top of the school work, trying to keep up with friends who are near and some that are afar, as well as the height of busy season at work, and I have had little time to spend online.

My advancement at this company has been very quick, I might even say meteoric. I have been placed on that short list of people to call first for gigs. For a month now, I have had four, five, sometimes even six gigs every weekend. Which, of course, means that I hardly have free time anymore.

Supposedly, things will slow down in a few weeks, which may or may not be a good thing for me finacially, but it would give me more time to do other things. I can't say that I have tired of doing the things I am doing, and there is even a chance I may gain assistance in becoming a professional photographer. If this opportunity pans out, I might stand to make some considerable sums of money.

Yet, through it all, I have been taking those pockets of time, when things slowed down enough for me to breathe, to contemplate a bit. Lately, I have been pondering on a particular subject. What makes a good listener? I'm sure everyone has his or her own idea of what makes a good listener. Good eye contact, remembers past conversations, doesn't interrupt or interject unless the talker expects a response, keeps secrets well or doesn't gossip, etc.

I have the fortune to work with a great number of different people through the many engagements that I am assigned to. This includes the members of my crew, the DJs, emcees, dancers, catering people, bands, and the people who attend the parties. Something that I thought to be an isolated occurance in working with so many different people is the willingness they have to share their personal stories. And when I mean personal, I mean the things that cause those uneasy silences in conversations.

I wonder what part of my demeanor tells people that I am willing to hear about their lives in such graphic detail. And, when I say that they are telling their stories in such detail, they really are being as graphic as possible. Whether its several of the dancers telling me the number of men (and women) they've slept with, a DJ telling me about his relationship with one of the dancers, the emcee who worried that his girlfriend would find out that he had hooked up with some girl at a party, one of the male dancers telling me about his girlfriend's (someone I work with!) favorite sexual positions or the young assistant who insisted that we stop at a pharmacy so that she could pick up her morning after pills. I joke occasionally that I don't need to watch the tv soaps because it's all happening around me.

Some of the things I hear make it hard for me to look at people quite the same way again. How do you pretend that things are the same when you work with a girl whose favorite positions have been catalogued in detail? Can one pretend that this young assistant with the need for morning after pills is still "innocent"? Exactly how would one look that emcee's girlfriend in the eye when one finally meets her? Or look at that physically desirable dancer who has had nearly triple digit partners and be able to not think less of her because of her promiscuity? (On the bright side, I might learn a few things from her...)

Gossip abounds quickly within this company I work for. I have lost count of the number of people who have sworn me to secrecy over things they have divulged to me without my desire to know about. Some part of my physical features must give people that comfortable feeling where they can tell me things that would be quite juicy gossip and trust that I will hold it close. Yet how much can I hear before something unintentionally slips out?

So, I wonder what makes a good listener for the simple reason that I want it wiped off my face before I learn any more juicy tidbits. I suppose I want to think the best of people, and it's rather hard to do so when you hear all their dirty laundry passed around like stories around a campfire. I also wonder how soon before something about me starts making the rounds.