I want you to want me.

I don't know quite what it is. Perhaps it's the warming air, the hint of green promise, or the sounds of birds singing their sweet melodies in the air. I have been hit with a rather serious case of melancholy.

For some reason, as I have been trying to do some editing on recent shoots of couples I have taken, I am more aware of the changing season this year. Spring. The season of renewal. The season of budding love. All of which I am most keenly aware of for the first time in a long time. Easily more than a year!

It's in the back of my mind as I look at smiling couples. It crosses my thoughts as I am driving to jobs. It stares back at me as I work on my computer. And I resist. Somehow.

Maybe, I am making excuses. I mean I am trying to pay ever increasing car repair bills on a limited income besides all the regular bills that encroach. Every month, I look at the figures and see that my income hasn't met the needs, let alone desires, I have each month. I do want to start my own business someday, and each month, I see the dream moving one step remoter as the bills pile up. How can I even think about finding someone when I can barely keep myself afloat?

Speaking of those desires. I have come to understand what I desire. I desire a companion, a friend, a commiserator, and the person who believes in my dreams. My personal motivator and a sounding board for my ideas. With a sense of humor and a willingness to laugh at silly things. Someone who makes me glad and turns my head with licentious thoughts. All wrapped into one person. I don't want much. Really.

In my line of work, I meet all types of people. Beautiful. Smart. Great personality. Funny. Wise. Witty. Ambitious. Sweet. Humble. Meek. Shy. Kind. Loving. Sometimes, with several of those traits I listed together. But somehow, no matter whom I meet nor how many of these people I work with, I feel that something is missing.

That something is simple to describe, yet took me years to recognize. None of them want me. And I, for one, don't know why that is. Which, sadly, is the source of my melancholy.

Capable and intelligent, I may be. Resilient and faithful, too. Occasionally, funny as well. But these aspects of my personality don't seem to make women I am interested in to want me. And I admit, I am discouraged.

I forget who wrote the lyrics, but now, I want you (women) to want me. Because I am tired of chasing fruitlessly. I need to know that I am valued for more than my skills and talents. Say that you love me.